Intimacy
I strongly believe that intimacy depends on an honest showing of who you are to the other person. On the other hand, committment doesn't really require that at all. Committment is about living up to the expectations of the other person and to what you've promised them.
I don't always or maybe it is only rarely see that it is possible to do both. I think in part for me that is because I'm with the wrong person although there is comfort in my relationship.
Part of the problem is that there is so much of myself that I simply don't want to be viewed by any one person that I think intimacy is a difficult thing to achieve. While complete honesty would be freeing, it would also be scary. It would almost feel like (scratch the almost) you give too much power to the other person.
Maybe that makes me an intimacy phobe, or maybe it just makes me an adult person with boundries. I'm not really sure which.
I don't always or maybe it is only rarely see that it is possible to do both. I think in part for me that is because I'm with the wrong person although there is comfort in my relationship.
Part of the problem is that there is so much of myself that I simply don't want to be viewed by any one person that I think intimacy is a difficult thing to achieve. While complete honesty would be freeing, it would also be scary. It would almost feel like (scratch the almost) you give too much power to the other person.
Maybe that makes me an intimacy phobe, or maybe it just makes me an adult person with boundries. I'm not really sure which.
9 Comments:
It's sort of a catch 22 isn't it? Telling all can be freeing in a way, but it can also make one feel extremely confined because, as you said, the "telling" needs to continue. Feelings of guilt come into play when full disclosure hasn't happened, etc.
People with trust issues (like me) are always left wondering if they've been given the full story anyway. It's difficult to reach that level. Once you've lost trust in someone, it's so hard to trust again, to leave yourself vulnerable in that way.
It can become very lonely if you don't let anyone in, though. *sigh* See what I mean?
You'll sort this all our for yourself, Prom. You give such good advice to others. Try to take a look at your 'blog as if it weren't yours. What bit of wisdom would you pass along to Prom?
sigh, get out and find a little house by the sea and start over, make new friends and only ever be who I am totally without censure. Ain't ever going to happen though.....
It is lonely though.
I think being yourself completely gives YOU all the power. Just because you let a person see all of you doesn't mean you have given yourself away. That's the idea behind love, too. Giving it doesn't mean you have less; in fact, the more you give, the more you have.
I can understand being afraid of intimacy; there's always a chance for rejection, and that hurts. But self-esteem has to come from inside, and if you have it, well, rejection still hurts, but you don't have the same kinds of responses to it.
What the hell am I talking about? :)
When you are intimate with and committed to someone, the power comes from knowing the person has chosen you, warts and all.
doggy
True Leslie but I've never felt like I could find someone that could accept all that I am.
And when's the last time you actually looked?
Feeling like you can't find someone is normal. Expecting him to fall from the sky and land in your lap is unrealistic. Go out there and look for him, Prom. He's out there, somewhere.
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Well but I'm not really in a position to look am I? I will notice if someone interesting comes along but looking seems not such a good idea at the moment.
I suppose. Although if you aren't happy, perhaps it's time to make the decision to start looking. *hug*
That doesn't really seem fair to the person I find for one, or at least not the kind of looking that would involve something more than a fling.
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